Parent Meeting

>”Hello again, Cold.”
>”Hi Maxwell. How’ve you been?”
>”I have read every book in the school library.”
>”What? All of them?”
>”Yes.”
>”Come on, that’s not possible.”
>”Oh. It isn’t?”
>”No. I’ve only been able to read one book since we talked.”
>”Yes, one, that’s how many I’ve read.”
>”You need to come up with something more believable if you’re going to trick me. What did you read?”
>”The Haunter of the Dark.”
>”How was that?”
>”It breaks from several of the author’s usual conventions, to the greater benefit of the story. Although at points the narrative direction becomes unorganized, the end product is good, and recommendable.”
>”I’ll have to check it out. Thanks for the suggestion.”

***

As per usual, Mr. Steward was behind his desk, letting the students act how they wanted through the period. But this time, the Wooden Girl had something on her mind when she came to class.

“How come you never mentioned our school won a theater competition?” She said after hearing the bell ring.

Mr. Steward put down his book and looked at her quizzically. “We’ve never participated in a theater….” As his voice trailed off, his eyes glazed over. “… Yes… I… remember now. The Annual Amateur Musical Competition. Our production of ‘Shoggoths’ won us first place.” He stared blankly at a spot on the wall, as if trying to remember more, but Wooden cut his train of thought.

“Why don’t we enter the contest again this year?”

“Hm? What?” It took a moment for Steward to focus back on the present, but when he did, he laughed. “With this class? I don’t think most of them are capable of singing.”

“What if I got people who could?”

“Excuse me?”

“What if I found other people to participate in the play?”

Steward thought for a moment. “It would be nice to work with a real cast again. You’d need to pick out a play, but I’ve got some scripts in my office that could be used…. I’ll have to speak with Mr. Dooling for the band and choir’s participation….”

“So we’ll do it?”

“Maybe. See if you can find a cast first. Then I’ll think about it.”

That was good enough for Wooden Now she just had to round up some volunteers….

***

Mr. Omega carefully cleared off his desk in a doomed effort to make it look orderly. Where had all these things come from, anyways….

He heard a knock on his office door, and said, “Come in.” And man and a women entered the room. Both had appearances that were nothing short of stunning. The women had long auburn hair and red eyes, and wore a small red dress that left very little to the imagination. The man had similarly colored eyes, and hair which somehow seemed to billow in a nonexistent wind. Several of his shirts buttons were undone, showing a muscular chest.

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Red Cap.” Omega said while extending his hand in greeting. “Thank you for coming. I wanted to speak with you about your son, Dying Man.”

“Oh please, call me Miss Red Cap.” She ignored the hand and gave Omega a tight hug. “How’s our darling little boy?”

“Well, unfortunately, some issues have risen which may require your attention. Please, take a seat.” He gestured at two chairs in front of his desk. Mr. Red Cap sat in a chair, then Ms. sat in his lap. Omega got behind his desk, and pulled out a manila folder. “Mr. Lowe has expressed to me concerns about your son’s performance in school. I was hoping we could discuss a solution.”

“Oh, surely a few bad grades won’t be too much trouble!” Mr. Red Cap said. “I remember I always had better things to do with my time than study when I was his age!” He tickled Ms.’s side, and she playfully slapped his hand away.

“This is a bit more than a few grades.” Mr. Omega started to say, but the two were already lost in their own conversation.

“Remember our junior year homecoming game?”

“When we snuck under the bleachers?”

“And I brought the length of string?”

“I think I still have my cheerleader outfit packed away!”

“We can pick up a new pair of handcuffs on the way home!”

“And I’ll make the balloon animals!”

***

Dying slouched through the hall toward the counselor’s office. He wasn’t going to complain about getting out of class, but he’d learned pessimism was the best strategy when dealing with school officials.

When he reached the office, he saw his parents making very unusual hand gestures in front of a man listening in horrified fascination. Oh god, they were telling the bowling ball story….

“Dying Man, there you are!” The man said, seizing on the opportunity to escape. “I’m Mr. Omega, the guidance counselor. I wanted to speak with you and your parents.”

“But we haven’t gotten to the best part of the story!” Mr. Red Cap said.

“That’s… that’s alright. I don’t think it would be appropriate to tell with your child here….”

“Oh, that’s alright, he already knows it. We had him film it for us.”

“Even so, we still have some other matters to discuss!” Omega quickly said. “Now, one of Mr. Lowe’s suggestions was more parental involvement in your son’s school. He thinks that if you show more investment in his education, it will cause your son himself to become more invested.”

Dying tried shouting “No!” as fast as he could, but his dad spoke first. “That sounds like a wonderful idea!”

“I’m glad you think so. Here’s a list of volunteer opportunities we have for parents. I hope you find something interesting to you on it. ThankyouforyourtimeIhopetospeakwithyouagainsoon.” He quickly rushed Dying and the Red Cap out of his office, then closed the door.

Phew. The job description for guidance counselor had said it was about talking to troubled students and helping them out. So why was it Omega felt like his real job was trying to make sure everyone in this school kept their clothes on?