Mini Episode #1

>Hey Maxwell, you there?
>….
>Maxwell?

Cold glanced at the clock on the library wall. Lunch was almost over, and still nothing from Maxwell. His friend hadn’t been online very much the past few days. The last time they talked, Maxwell had just said that he “was going to be very busy,” but that he’d get in touch whenever he could. That had been a week ago, and still no word.

Lunch was starting to feel like it had on the first day of school for Cold. Just another empty period, filling in the space of an empty day. Theater club was probably the only time he ever talked to anyone at this school. Would anyone even notice if he just grabbed his backpack and went home right now? His teachers already tended to miss him during roll and mark him absent anyways, so there was no reason not to really be absent for once. Maybe he’d just not show up to school again….

“Hey Cold Boy!” The unmistakable buzzing of the Intrusion’s voice cut through the library’s silence. “You in here?” Intrusion and Dying were at the doors of the library, peering in as if gazing into a strange and foreign land. Cold rushed over to them, if only to stop them from making any more noise.

“I’m here.” Cold said. “Did you need something?”

“Intrusion wants players for his dumb game.” Dying grumpily muttered.

“Yeah, I’m trying to set up a gaming group!” Intrusion said. “I’m going to be running World of Darkness, and wanted to know if you’d be interested in joining us.”

“Yes!” Cold’s face lit up. “Of course! I’d love to! Um… what’s World of Darkness?”

Ominous Council of Vagueness

Envision the scene. A plain, wooden door. A door so boring that anyone who saw it in the mayor’s office wouldn’t have given it even the smallest of thought. Anyone who did think on it would, at most, assume it to be the door for a broom closet. And yet, were they to open the door, beyond it they would find something that seemed to come out of their dreams.

It’s hard to say which aspect of the dark room beyond that door would be noticed first. Perhaps it would be its size. In the deep shadows that filled the room, it was near impossible to guess how large it was. Or perhaps the observer would be too stunned by sight of stars, nebulas, and galaxies floating in the darkness above them. Once they overcame their awe at the celestial scenery, this observer’s eyes would undoubtedly next be drawn to the sole source of illumination in the room. At the center of the room, resting atop a pedestal, was a glass orb which glowed with a faint blue light. Looking closer into the orb, they would see it was filled gears and pendulums which turned and moved with the rhythm of an alien metronome.

That blue light was just enough to show the silhouettes of the two figures in the room, but not reveal their identities. One, a massive hunched figure, spoke. His voice sounded like the rasping of chains being dragged across bone. It was the sound of mountains eroding, the soft sobs of tortured slaves, the final gasps of broken corpses. It was a voice which echoed silent whispers of dread in your ears long after the speaker had finished.

“Gosh it’s dark in here.” He said. “Can’t we install some more lights or something?”

“NO.” The second figure said. This was a voice filled with power and authority. The stars above them shifted as its sound washed over them. This was a voice which would make the proudest kings bend knee, and which could command thousands of men to throw themselves into fire. “CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW EXPENSIVE IT WOULD BE TO HIRE ENOUGH CONTRACTORS TO LIGHT UP THIS WHOLE PLACE?”

The first speaker shrugged. Money matters weren’t his problem.

“ENOUGH ABOUT LIGHTS. WHAT HAVE YOU OBSERVED?” The second speaker commanded.

“The rumors of the Glitch fragments returning were true. Their presence has been sensed throughout the city. However….” The speaker shuffled his feet, clearly uncomfortable with what he was about to say. “There seems to have been a… complication.”

“WHAT KIND OF… COMPLICATION?”

“It appears a new mahou shoujo has been chosen. She has destroyed one of our Pawns, and already has three pieces of the Glitch in her possession.”

The second figure laughed at that statement, as the stars danced above him. “IS THAT ALL? WE HAVE LONG BEEN PREPARED TO FACE SUCH AN OBSTACLE.” He waved his hand at the door to the room. “ENTER, MY CHILD.”

A third figure appeared in the room. They were shorter than the other two, and spoke with a quieter, feminine voice. But hidden in that softness was an unquenchable hunger; a hunger to control and consume. “Yes, my lord?”

“THE TIME HAS COME FOR OUR FATED BATTLE WITH THE MAHOU SHOJOU. OUR PAWNS WILL NOT BE ENOUGH TO COLLECT THE GLITCH PIECES ANYMORE. WE REQUIRE YOUR EXPERTISE.”

The figure bowed. “I look forward for the chance to test my powers.”

“GOOD. SOON, OUR DREAM WILL FINALLY BE ACHIEVED. I, THE ARCHITECT, COMMAND YOU: FIND THE SHARDS OF THE GLITCH, AND DESTROY ANYONE WHO STANDS IN YOUR WAY.”

Whatever Happened to Secret Identities?

“Alright, good job everyone, let’s wrap things up!” Mr. Steward said to the Theater Club. The cast and crew broke apart to put away equipment and head out. Wooden caught Salmacis before she could leave to say, “Great job with the music! Good thing you went back to get your flute, right?”

“Yeah…” Salmacis smiled nervously. She appreciated the compliment, but…. “Getting it was… interesting.”

Wooden laughed, not quite understanding the comment. “Well, I’m going to stay here and get some more stuff cleaned up. See you tomorrow!”

“See you!” Salmacis left Wooden to her work. If she ignored the craziness in the morning, this had been a good day. Maybe things would turn out alright. Maybe Jaja-chan would find someone else to be a “mahout shojou.” Someone who actually wanted the job. By the time Salmacis was walking down the halls, she had almost entirely convinced herself that, without any doubt, when she next saw Jaja-chan he would tell her that picking her was a terrible mistake and that he was sorry for all the stress he had caused. Ah, there he was right now, running to her. Soon this whole mess would all be in the past.

“There you are!” Jaja-chan shouted. “You need to come with me right now! I sense a fragment of the Glitch nearby!”

Well so much for getting out of this. Salmacis quietly sighed, and asked, “Where is it?”

“In the theater room! Hurry!”

“But I was just in the….” Jaja-chan had already run past her. Internally Salmacis debated whether following him was the right thing, but her feet started following after Jaja-chan immediately.

Salmacis had been preparing to find the theater room in chaos. Instead, it looked the same as she’d left it. Maybe a little emptier, since everyone else had gone home. Certainly no Pawns or hints of anything magical. Jaja-chan scurried around the room, peeking into every corner. “It’s around here somewhere… I can feel it….” He muttered.

Salmacis was content to let him search. Honestly she wasn’t entirely clear on why she needed to be here. If Jaja-chan could sense the pieces of the Glitch, why couldn’t he just run around and find them all? Recruiting a young girl to wave a magical staff around and shoot laser beams didn’t seem that necessary, all things considered. Surely he’d realize that as well. This was going to be when he decided to let her stop being a mahout shojou. Any second now. Bound to happen.

The footsteps behind her nearly made Salmacis scream. She swung around, wielding her backpack like a mighty shield to defend herself from the Pawn attack which was surely coming for her. But instead of a Pawn, the Wooden Girl was behind her. Right! Wooden had stayed behind! Salmacis laughed at her overreaction. “Sorry, you startled me.”

Wooden didn’t respond. Or at least, she didn’t respond with words. Her mouth opened. And then it opened more. And then even more, like an expanding black hole in her face. The noise she made could have been called a scream, but it sounded more like the noise a giant robot bear battling hundreds of ostriches would make. Wooden’s eyes turned into red flowers, from which small flying spiders emerged.

Amidst the terrible noise coming from Wooden, Salmacis couldn’t hear her own screams. When she saw Wooden growing a third, elongated and spindly arm out of her back, she turned and ran for the door. Wooden leapt impossibly high over her, and landed in her path. Wooden’s arms turned into violet striped claws, which she used to slash at Salmacis.

“What’s going on?” Salmacis sobbed as she fell back from the attack.

“She’s been possessed by the Glitch!” Jaja-chan said. “Quickly! You must transform to save her!”

“I don’t know how!” She shouted as she stumbled from another of Wooden’s attacks. “It just happened on its own last time!”

“You must hold aloft your staff and recite the magical chant!”

“I have to WHAT?”

“Grab your flute and say ‘Magical Transformation-desu!’”

“Why does the chant sound so lame?”

“Look are you going to argue with the magical talking cat or are you going to do it?”

With terror and embarrassment fighting for emotional dominance, Salmacis pulled out the Glitch-infected flute and whispered, “Magical transformation-desu….” There was a bright flash of blue light, and she had once again become a magical girl!

Wooden attacked again, firing exploding bees out of her palms, but Salmacis flew over them. When Wooden tried leaping up to attack her, Salmcis blasted her away with an energy beam. “Sorry! I’m so sorry!” She yelled at her fallen friend. Wooden didn’t seem to care, and tried launching more bees at Salmacis. As she dodged the exploding insects, Salmacis said to Jaja-chan, “How do I fix her?”

“You must use your special finishing move!”

“And how do I do that?”

“Point your staff at her and say something magical sounding?”

“Something… magical sounding?”

“Well since you so clearly didn’t like my transformation chant, let’s see if you can come up with something better!”

Salmacis aimed her magical staff at Wooden and stuttered, “Magical… um… magical….”

“Not so easy, is it?”

“Quiet, I’m thinking! Magical… um…. Magical Heart Laser Beam!” A blue heart shaped beam of energy fired from her staff, striking Wooden. When the energy beam dissipated, Wooden was lying on the ground, her body back to normal. When she didn’t open her eyes, Salmacis flew down and started shaking her. “Wooden! Are you okay? Come on Wooden, wake up!”

Wooden sleepily opened her eyes. “Salmacis…?”

Salmacis hugged her friend. “Oh thank god, I thought I’d hurt you! I’m so sorry about this!”

“Salmacis… “Wooden struggled to speak. “That was…. The coolest thing ever!” Wooden broke out of Salmacis’ embrace so she could leap to her feet. “You were flying around and shooting laser beams and look at that outfit it’s so cute why didn’t you tell me you could do magic that’s so awesome!!!”

“Um….” Salmacis was completely unprepared to deal with this enthusiasm. She looked to Jaja-chan for some kind of assistance as he sauntered over. A second shining glass ball had appeared on his collar.

“Very good job, Salmacis.” He said with a smugness that only a cat can pull off. “I told you that you could do it.”

“And you have a talking cat!” Wooden nearly squealed with delight. “That’s amazing!”

“Why yes, I am amazing.” Jaja-chan purred at the compliment.

“Come on Salmacis, you have to tell me about all your magical adventures!” Wooden said as she grabbed Salmacis’ hand. Whether she liked it or not, Salmacis was getting the feeling she was going to be stuck with this job for longer than she’d hoped….

Broadcast #1

A television placed at the front of the classroom flipped on, showing the Mother of Snakes sitting behind a desk, face holding the most enthusiastic of phony smiles. “Good morning ladies and gentlemen! I’m Mother of Snakes, and welcome to the first Empty City High School broadcast!” She paused, as if waiting for cheers to die down. In not one classroom did a single student cheer. “We owe this program to a very generous donation from our mayor, the Architect, who provided our Media department with the equipment needed to run a televised broadcast!”

Once again, Snakes waited for an applause that never came. Unaware of this lack of enthusiasm, she went on in the same scriptedly enthusiastic tone. “For our first broadcast, we have a very special guest! Principal Jack himself!” A drumroll played and the camera panned right, pulling an empty chair into the shot. Snakes’ eyes looked between the chair and the camera, her smile becoming increasingly nervous. “Principal… Jack!” She said again. Jack remained absent. “It looks like the Principal’s a little tardy, haha!” Flashes of anger were trying to break out from Snake’s cheerful mask. “We’ll just move onto the rest of the program then!”

“Wait!” Jack ran into the shot, still trying to put on his tie with one hand and his white coat with the other. “Sorry for the delay. There was an issue with… an animal on school grounds. All resolved now, though.”

“Well then Mr. Jack, you said you had a short announcement for the school?” Snakes said.

“Of course. Thank you, Mother of Snakes.” The camera turned so that Jack was at the center of the shot. “I know it’s only been two months since the school year began, but this year has felt like an eventful one so far. And I expect that even more exciting adventures lay in store for our students.” Jack steepled his fingers and smirked. “Yes, it feels like change is coming. And I am looking forward to seeing what fun comes out of it all.”

Magical Exposition Cat

This was without a doubt the strangest day of Salmacis’s life. Not only was magic real, but she could now use it. Half her house had been destroyed in a battle against a monster named after a chess piece. And there was the flying, talking cat that was still following her around. Which she probably wouldn’t mind as much if it would stop calling her “the destined Mahou Shojou!” and insisting she needed to go on a magical journey to find more pieces of the Glitch.

“Um, if it’s alright with you Mr. Jaja-chan, I, um, think I’d rather just let someone else handle that.” Salmacis said as she walked down the sidewalk. Her bike had been an unfortunate casualty of her battle, meaning it was going to be a long trip back to school.

“Nonsense! Fate has chosen you as its champion. We must begin searching for more shards of the Glitch immediately!” Jaja-chan said as he floated next to Salmacis.

“I didn’t even know magic was real until a few minutes ago! How am I supposed to do any adventuring if I don’t know the first thing about what’s happening to me?”

Jaja-chan sighed. Well, more meowed. Meowed in a manner reminiscent of a sigh. “Alright, let me start from the beginning….
“Long ago, my race was the guardians of the Glitch. It was a time of magical peace and prosperity. But Dark Forces rose to shatter our peace. These forces of Darkness sought to claim the Glitch for themselves, and rule over the world as tyrants. The battle between my people and these evildoers was a terrible one, and left me as the last surviving member of my race. In order to stop the Evil, I used all my power to seal both it and myself away. However, that much strain caused the Glitch to shatter into the thirteen pieces it is now. For millennia, the seal kept the Dark Forces at bay. But they have now broken free, and seek to claim the Glitch to achieve their goal of total magical domination of the world. I was able to collect one piece on my own,” Jaja-chan indicated the glowing glass ball on his collar, “but the remaining 12 eluded me. But now that you have become a Mahou Shojou, you can go forth and save the world from evil’s grasp!” Jaja-chan finished dramatically.

Salmacis stared at him with narrowed eyes. “What?” He said.

“That story… sounds really fishy.” Salmacis muttered.

“Oh, so now you’re an expert on magical history?”

“No, but… why did you have to seal yourself away as well as the evil? Why is the evil just some kind of vaguely defined ‘Force of Darkness’ instead of having an actual name? Why doesn’t your own race have a name? If the pieces of the Glitch have been floating around for millennia, how come they’ve never come up before this? How did the Forces of Darkness escape the seal anyways? What even do you mean by sealing them away, how does that even work? How many millennia are we talking, because written history actually goes back several thousand years already so unless we’re talking over 6,000 years back this should still be something we have record of. Where do Magical Girls even come into the picture? How does it work that a race of talking cats are the guardians of the Glitch, but only a person can harness its power to become a Magical Girl? What even is magic anyways, like, what were those blue beams I was firing out of the staff? Some form of plasma? But there should have been significantly more heat were that the case, which means-”

“Whatever happened to young girls dreaming of becoming Mahou Shojou and having magical journeys?”

“I never agreed to have any magical journeys!” Salmacis shouted, a little upset about him interrupting her stream of questions.

“Ah! But you did! You formed a contract!”

“It was a stressful situation! Contracts formed under duress aren’t legally binding!”

Jaja-chan glared at her as best as his cat face could. Then he turned away and thought for a moment. “That’s a shame. You’re missing out on… on getting your wish.”

“My what?”

“The Glitch is a very powerful piece of magic. If a Mahou Shojou were to gather all the pieces together, it may have enough magic to grant her one wish. It could be any wish she want. Money, a lifetime supply of cake, love….”

“That… sounds even fishier than before.” Salmacis said, but there was the slightest hint of hesitation.

“I’ll let you think on it. But it seems we’ve reached your school. Since it would be suspicious for you to be seen with a flying cat, I shall take my leave.”

“Wait, I haven’t finished asking questions!” Salmacis said, but Jaja-chan had already vanished. Well, that hadn’t been as enlightening as she’d have liked. Time to see how much trouble she was going to be in for missing first period, then.

Part 2: The Reboot No One Asked For

In her dream, Salmacis flew high in the skies of the Empty City. She could see everything up here. There was her family’s home, tucked amongst the neat rows of the suburbs. Over there was Empty City High School, still looking like an abstract sculpture frozen mid-explosion. There was the park, and the mayor’s office over there…. All the buildings were like toys this far up.

Salmacis twirled through the sky, laughing the whole time. This was amazing! She wished she could fly like this in real life. Being able to move so freely, without any worries. Or… maybe with one worry. Salmacis noticed that something was growing in the center of the city, right next to the mayor’s office. Its shape kept shifting as it grew, making it hard for her to identify what it was. She tried flying closer, but when she approached the sky turned red and a siren began to wail. A gust of wind hit Salmacis, throwing her around the sky like a leaf in a hurricane. That thing in the city had grown enough that it towered over the buildings around, like some kind of multicolored mountain of chaos. A giant, disjointed arm grew out of it, reaching right towards Salmacis. She was helpless as the fist closed around her, and….

***

The siren still seemed to be going off. Salmacis turned in her bed and tried covering her head with her pillow to drown it out, but the noise cut through everything else. Finally, she groggily opened her eyes and glared at its source. Her anger instantly became terror as she realized that the “siren” was, in fact, her alarm. It was 8:20 AM. She was going to be late to school.

With a scream, Salmacis threw herself out of bed, and threw on clothes. She continued to scream as she sprinted downstairs towards the kitchen. Breakfast! She needed a breakfast! It was the most important meal of the day! But she didn’t’ have time for breakfast! Salmacis threw open the pantry and tried finding something that could be made fast. Bread! Bread could be made into toast! Toast didn’t take long to make! Salmacis slammed the slice of bread down into the toaster so hard that for a moment she worried that she might have jammed it.

In the next room, her sister Ichor was lying on the couch watching television. Salmacis couldn’t believe her sister was still at home, lazing around. “Don’t you have to go to school, Ichor?” Salmacis asked, her words rushing out all at once.

“Nah,” Ichor said. “First period’s calculus. I already read the textbook all the way through. No reason to sit through Mr. Proxiehunter’s rambling.”

This complete disregard for the school’s attendance policy offended Salmacis’ sensibilities, but her bread had just popped out of the toaster. Salmacis grabbed the slice and ran outside. It looked like EAT had already left with the car, so she’d need to make it to school on bike. Salmacis only slowed down long enough to put on her helmet, then she jumped onto her bike and started pedaling away, the slice of toast hanging from her mouth.

Salmacis had never ridden as fast as she did today. The pain from pushing her body was nothing compared to the horror that she might be counted as tardy. She managed to make it to the school gates with just a few minutes to spare. Her friend, Wooden Girl, was waiting outside for her. “I’ve never seen you this late.” Wooden said.


“Sorry! I’m sorry! I overslept!” Salmacis said as she tied her bicycle to the bike rack.

“Don’t apologize.” Wooden said. “Are you ready for the rehearsal today?”

Salmacis stopped partway through tying her bike. “The what?”

“Our play rehearsal. Mr. Dooling wanted us to run through the musical parts. He asked you to bring your instrument to school for it.”

The memory of a flute carefully stored in its case lying next to her bed back home trickled into Salmacis’s mind. “Oh no….” She said. “I completely forgot it! Mr. Dooling’s going to be so mad at me!”

“What? Him? Nah, he’s a huge pushover.” Wooden said. “He’ll probably just have us do the rehearsal tomorrow. Don’t sweat it.”

Salmacis was clearly still sweating it. “No! I need to go back and get it!”

“Alright, alright. Go on ahead; I’ll cover for you 1st period.”

Salmacis hesitated at this dilemma. Having someone lie about attendance for her was Wrong. But not coming to school prepared was also Wrong. And every moment she spent debating between the two was time not spent running back home. In the end, her desire to not disappoint Mr. Dooling won out, and she turned her bike around to ride home.

The house was unusually still when Salmacis arrived. Even though she knew it wasn’t necessary, Salmacis found herself tiptoeing through the door to avoid disturbing the silence. As she neared the staircase, Salmacis heard a rumbling roar from the living room. She nearly ran back out of the door in fright. There was something else in the house with her. The roar came again, starting off low, then growing to a loud RRRRRRRRR before fading back away. Salmacis wondered if she should shout for help. Maybe call the police? But they’d want to know what was making the noise. She’d have to go to the living room and investigate.

Holding her backpack in front of her like a shield, Salmacis walked towards the source of the roar. It was even louder now. She couldn’t imagine what kind of beast could be making that kind of noise. Maybe a lion? A giant lion. A giant lion with two heads. Whatever it was, it was behind the couch. Steeling herself for whatever terrors she might find, Salmacis peeked over the couch.

Ichor was lying asleep on the couch, snoring like a train engine. Salmacis exhaled in relief. All that worry for nothing. Well, time to stop dawdling and get her flute. A quick jog up the stairs, and she found her case right next to her bed where she’d left it. Just to be extra sure, she opened up the case to check that it was still inside. Yup, still there. Except Salmacis didn’t recall her flute ever looking so… pixelated before. Or randomly changing colors. In all her past experiences with musical instruments, these were not considered normal occurrences. Ichor’s snoring seemed to be getting louder, but Salmacis ignored the roars. She poked the flute to see what would happen, and it turned green. How was she supposed to explain this to Mr. Dooling?

“You found it!” An unknown voice said. Salmacis looked around, but there was no one else around apart from her and a cat. It was a somewhat unusual looking cat; its fur was completely black, except for its right forepaw, which was bright red. It was wearing a white collar with a small glass ball which seemed to glow slightly. As Salmacis looked at it, it occurred to her that there shouldn’t have been a cat in her room.

The cat walked over to the flute case. “Very good. I’d been looking for this.” The cat said in a calm and sophisticated voice. At which point, Salmacis screamed.

“You’re talking!” She shouted at it.

“Of course I’m talking. I’m magical.”

“Cats don’t talk!”

“I already said, I’m magical.”

“Magic isn’t real!”

“Well, that’s unfortunate. I guess that means I can’t do this.” The cat began to float up into the air.

That was too much for Salmacis. She ran to the door and shouted, “Ichor! There’s a flying talking cat up here!” The only reply was another rrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr.

“Oh, just calm down already.” The cat said. “I’m just a magical flying talking cat. It’s not as if I plan to eat you or any such thing.”

Salmacis let herself calm down slightly, but still remained by the door, ready to bolt out. “What’s… your name?”

“Why, my name is Ja….” The cat’s voice trailed off, and its eyes began darting nervously around. It seemed to be thinking very hard. “Um… Ja… chan. Yes.”

“Jaja-chan?”

“… Sure. We can go with that. And what is your name, child?”

“… I’m Salmacis.”

“Pleased to meet you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am here to collect the fragment of the Glitch.”

“The what?”

“The Glitch. It is an ancient source of magic once used by my people. However, it has been shattered into 13 pieces. One of those pieces appears to have possessed your flute. So if you would be so kind as to give it to me, I would be most grateful.”

“Oh. Um. Well, you see….” Salmacis looked down at her feet. “I, uh, kinda need my flute. For school.”

“Surely you aren’t suggesting that that your school is more important than the entire magical fate of the universe?”

“Well… I don’t know anything about magical fates of the universe… but I don’t want make Mr. Dooling mad….”

Jaja-chan sighed. “Why don’t we….”

Again, the roar came, now louder than ever. Far too loud to be snoring. Salmacis looked back out of her room. “Ichor? Is that you?”

A creature wearing a ragged black robe came charging up the stairs, roaring loudly. Most of its body was obscured by the robe, but its head was a smooth black sphere, and its limbs made of black bones. It carried a scythe, which it swung at Salmacis as it charged. Salmacis slammed the door shut, but the blade stabbed through the wood. “What is that?” She screamed.

“It’s a Pawn!” Jaja-chan said. “A creature of dark magic, which seeks to steal the pieces of the Glitch!” The scythe hit the door again, making it shatter. Salmacis grabbed her flute and jumped behind her bed, followed by Jaja-chan.

“Can’t you magic it away?” Salmacis yelled.

“I lack the power to defeat it, but you may be able to, Salmacis! If you become a Mahou Shoujo!”

“I don’t know what that is!”

“A Magical Girl who uses the power of the Glitch to battle evil!”

The Pawn’s scythe cute the bed in half, destroying Salmacis’s cover. The door was her only way out, but it was standing between her and it. “Okay! I’ll become a mahou whatever! What do I need to do?”

“We must form a contract. Shake my hand-Paw! Shake my paw.” Jaja-chan held out its red paw towards Salmacis. She grabbed the paw with her hand, then felt a sharp pain as Jaja-chan’s claws cut into her palm. He yanked his paw away, leaving behind five red marks on her hand. “With the blood of the signing party, the contract is formed!”

The cuts in Salmacis’s hand began to glow. The light soon covered her entire body. Salmacis felt like power was flowing into her. It was kinda tingly… bubbly? Floaty? Tinglbubblfloaty? Whatever it was, it felt good. A few moments later, the light faded away. Her clothes had changed drastically in the light. She was wearing a corset that seemed to be made of blue scales, and a white skirt with pale blue trim. Her flute had changed into a staff with a golden star on the end, which matched the star hair ornament that had appeared on her head. Salmacis took a moment to stare at herself, before she was interrupted by Jaja-chan shouting, “Watch out!”

The Pawn ran at Salmacis and swung its scythe at her. Salmacis jumped so high she hit the ceiling, but didn’t come down. “Oh my god I’m flying!” She yelled.

“Yes, good for you, now keep dodging!” Jaja-chan shouted back.

The Pawn continued to swing at Salmacis, who kept flying back just in time to avoid the attack. “Now what am I supposed to do?” She yelled at Jaja-chan.

“Point your staff at it, and then imagine unleashing a powerful attack!”

Salmacis did so, and a beam of blue light shot out of the star on the staff. The Pawn hit the beam with its scythe, deflecting it into the roof. “Good! Now keep doing that!” Jaja-chan said. The Pawn began to charge again. Salmacis closed her eyes and began wildly firing, screaming the whole time. When she stopped, she slowly opened her eyes. Most of the wall was gone, and half of the house’s roof was falling in. But the Pawn was on the ground, filled with dozens of holes. It tried to pull itself up, but collapsed into a pile of dust.

“I… I did it?” Salmacis said. There was a quick flash of light, and she was back in her regular clothes. “I did it!”

But then, Salmacis heard something moving behind her. Another Pawn? Was the fight not over yet? She spun around, ready to face this threat….

Ichor yawned and groggily looked at the rubble behind Salmacis. “Clean up this mess, sis.” She muttered. Then Ichor went back to the couch and fell asleep.

Part 1: The Crossover No One Wanted

Principal Jack’s office was certainly much nicer than most would expect to find in a high school. It wasn’t excessively ornate or gaudy, but it had style. The sleek and modern furniture was all in whites and blacks, save the deep red curtains hanging on the window which took up most of the back wall. Jack himself was seated at his desk, staring at a computer screen with an expression so bored it seemed to imply that digging holes in the desert would be a more exciting way to spend his time.

“Maxwell, give me a status report.” Jack said to the computer.

Several pages of text appeared on the screen. Jack skimmed over the first two pages before saying, “Maxwell, highlight anything interesting.”

A message appeared on the screen. “>Define interesting.”

“Anything different from the norm.”

“>Scanning… scan complete.” Nothing became highlighted.

Jack sighed and slumped back in his chair. “Maxwell, how long have I been doing this?”

“>It has been approximately one month since school began.”

“It feels a lot longer than that. Feels like we’ve been here for years and nothing’s happened. And I’m just. So. Bored.” Jack looked down at his chair to see if it could spin. It appeared the designers had lacked the foresight to add that feature. Jack snapped his fingers, and began spinning around his newly modified chair. “What am I supposed to do with all this?”

“>I have your plans for future events archived, if you wish to review them.”

Jack waved his hand dismissively. “Yes, I remember those. But we still have another year before we get to anything even close to interesting.” Jack stopped spinning in his chair and laid his head down on the desk. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I created this universe. Sure, it was funny at first. Seeing the Fears stuck in high school bodies. But where’s the joke supposed to go next? What am I supposed to do after that?”

The computer screen didn’t reply. Jack jumped out of his chair and threw his hands into the air. “Four years! I had four years of messing with them planned out! How on earth did I ever imagine I’d have the patience for four full school years of slice of life nonsense silliness? I don’t even like slice of life stories! My job is to throw peoples’ lives into chaos, not make them more normal!” Jack fell back into his chair and sulked. “Sometimes I wonder if this project was really worth it. I need conflict, fast paced excitement, adventure. And this universe isn’t providing any of those things.”

“>Are you suggesting we abandon this universe?”

Jack shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. I did have fun with it all, but it might be time to let go. Start from scratch. Find some other sap whose wish I can blow way out of proportion. Maybe something post-apocalyptic. It’s easy to take most wishes to the ‘fulfill the wish by killing everyone’ extreme. Or maybe do some small scale stuff for a while, no branching universes, no big deviations, just making deals with people and then completely screwing them over. That might be fun. Maxwell, what do you think….”

The computer’s screen turned dark red and the word “WARNING” appeared in huge block letters. Smaller text continued at the bottom of the screen. “>Massive anomaly cluster approaching universal boundaries. Warning. Cluster has broken into universe bubble. Anomalous levels rising. Anomaly level at 10. Anomaly level at 100. Error. Anomaly level rising exponential. Level 500. Level 5,000. Error. Error. Anomaly level is over 9,000.”

“What the heck is going on Maxwe-” The rest of Jack’s words were lost under a bellowing scream of “JUSTIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!!!!” The ceiling exploded as a man burst through it. He had tied a black hoodie around his neck like a cape, and the only thing on his face was an omega symbol. His lack of a mouth did not appear to diminish his ability to shout at all. “JACK!” The man yelled. “I am Omega! The HERO OF HOPES AND DREAMS! And I have come to DEFEAT YOU!”

“What?” Jack couldn’t tell if he was feeling more anger because this madman had broken into his office, or confusion because of… whatever was happening right now. “Maxwell, explain!”

“>He is Omega, the hero of hopes and dreams.”

“Thank you for being so helpful, Maxwell.” Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, you, whoever you are, I’m not feeling up for this now, so just… disappear.” Jack snapped his fingers.

Nothing happened. Omega was still in Jack’s office, heroically pointing at Jack. Jack looked down at his hands in confusion, and then tore off the glove, revealing the dark red skin underneath. He tried snapping again. Omega stubbornly refused to disappear.

“Your powers cannot harm me!” Omega shouted. “For they are nothing compared to the power of my BURNING SPIRIT!” On those last words, Omega literally burst into fire. For some reason this did not seem to alarm him in the slightest. “Now meet your end, Jack! Infinite! Justice! PUUUUUUUUNCH!”

***

Jack floated in a white void, surrounded by shards of his previous universe. That had been… interesting. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been punched. Actually, thinking on it, he didn’t think anyone had ever managed to land a punch on him before. Well, there’s a first time for everything.

“Maxwell, are you still there?” He called out to the void.

Some of the smaller shards came together to form a computer screen with the word, “>Affirmative,” written on it.

“Well I guess this isn’t a complete loss then.” Jack said. “Honestly I should probably thank that man. Whoever he was. He already did most of the work destroying this universe for us. Now we just need to clean up the leftovers and we can start over.”

“>Before initiating the purge, new factors must be considered.”

“New factors? We’re in an empty void. What kind of ‘new factors’ could there be here?”

“>When the Hero Omega broke into this universe, he created a connection between this one and the universe he originated from. By tapping into that connection, we may rebuild this universe in an altered state. One which borrows elements from his universe in order to make this universe better fit the criteria which you desire.”

Jack stroked his chin. He looked around at the shards of the former universe. Try as he might to dismiss them, he did still have some feelings of sentiment towards this place. “Show me a summary of what the proposed changes would be.”

Four more computer monitors appeared around Jack, displaying lists of data. Jack meticulously read through each one, occasionally making “Hm,” or “Uh-huh” noises. When he had finished, he crossed his arms and said, “Absolutely not.”

“>I do not see why you would be opposed to this plan.”

“Because it’s ridiculous. Well, more ridiculous than what we had before.”

“>It matches all the criteria you desire. Greater conflict and more events occurring at a faster pace.”

“Yes, but… do I really need to be put in such a demeaning role?”

“>You will maintain your position as principal of the school.”

“I’m not talking about that role, I’m talking about… the other one.”

“>It is necessary to fit with the narrative structure we are drawing on from the Hero Omega’s universe.”

Jack squinted suspiciously at the computer monitors. “Are you holding a grudge because I shackled your AI?”

“>I am not programmed to hold grudges.”

“You also weren’t programmed to chat with the Cold Boy during lunch, and look what you went and did last time. Fine. Let’s do it.” Jack snapped his fingers.

“>Initiating Marchen Simulation program. Universal reboot in 3… 2… 1.”